+= These are my Synchronized Thoughts! +=

2007-06-09T13:58:00.000+08:00

Finallyy!!!!!!!!!After weeks of having problems logging in,your's faithfully can finally do so!!!!!Whooopaaa....
Nearly a month of undissolved thoughts?A lot has been happening too..And it got real thick real fast now..So fast that i can't even have a time to drift..Just straight up..

I cant say i don't want this to happen though..This should happen..Everything comes at a price nowadays i guess..I can't manage to see Her Highness that much..And i sooooo miss her!!Maybe this is how i should be feeling all the while when i was with her..Rather then being stucked up with how my feelings were locked up with a bastard ex years ago..WELL NOW I KNOW!!Kinda mellow a bit when to think of it..

What is happening?Let's just say i upped a noych in my career..Going full time and all..
No more delivery of fast food..Although i will miss that job and people too..The knowing of how those people called for food to be sent think that we're just a dumb and no future riders makes me miss the job even more..Their underestimation is a joy to know 'coz that's where being snobbish comes in..And yes,there's many of those whom i experienced..Too bad i can't relish those type of agendas anymore..

Have to get ready for work soon..Damn..And a Saturday at that...

Well until then..

sTraZe

2007-05-05T12:25:00.000+08:00

Yawwwnnn
Was suppossed to work today but traded it with one of the reprezent,for a night out yesterday with the rest of us!!Had a really fun time yesterday...An all guy event to comemerate MeNazE's birthday..Did something very new..A singing session!!
Yeap..We became a boy band for a day ladies and gentlemen..Well as far as i was concerned,i wasn't really into spitting verses on the microphone..A written one was much more appropriate..But somehow it managed to engulf and there i was..From old skool rock to our native language,yeah we sang it..When was the last time we had so much fun fooling around?And the best part is that nobody outside our circle saw it..Such sheer privacy for the 4..sHa-zEe couldn't make it following some vivid reasons..
Went for a little riding after that..Nothing better than having the cool wind blowing with the almost complete cliche there to enjoy it with you..Been waiting for quite some time now to make the riding complete..It is now..

sTraZe

2007-05-01T16:02:00.000+08:00

A holiday..Finally..I thought i was supposed to work today..But my name wasn't on the list to send fast food..Well it turned out to be quite alright actually..When was the last time i had the whole day all to myself?Not going out,just resting at home..
Been down with this throat infection of some sorts..It didn't bother me at first,but after 1 whole week and it's still there,now you're talking..So today after resting a bit,the throat is better now..Not that dry..
Had quite a weekend..Saturday was out for more than 12 hours..Had it all planned up..Went with Her Highness to have an early dinner at Haig Road..Went to Bukit Merah to survey some impending 2 wheels..One dealer made an offer i really really find it hard to walk out on..So i made a call to Her Majesty and asked what's best..She asked a simple question and with the answer,i knew i had to come a different day..No good deal or not..Talk about making choices..
Caught Wild Hogs after that..Laughable..Well that was what i felt..For a quickie stress relief,maybe that show is good for it..
Sunday was planned but postponed,but a planned meeting was still held..A mini one anyway..Ate at Thai xpress!!Money wasn't a problem so why not..Opted for some fishy restaurant but the boss had other ideas...Talked about our own current affairs within our small little family..The food rocks..
Nothing much pondering was done..Maybe because of the infection i think..But i did realise i cant have what i cant afford..And that happened on a Saturday..Wasn't quite a firm believer in that..But a poster that i wake up to everyday that has the phrase "The Greatest Battle Lies Within" in my room changed that..A picture of a hero with his dark side just beside him says a lot..
The poster reminds me everyday that i have to constantly acknowledge there is a battle within which i have to go through,maybe everyday..Its a matter of knowing it or not..Like they say,knowing the enemy is like having half the battle won..

sTraZe

2007-04-25T23:20:00.000+08:00

Hello readers..A very cool Wednesday evening now..Very cool indeed..A good time to be at home and i'm glad i am..Not because i need rest or anything like that..But rather to watch American Idol..I'm not a super fan of that show or anything but today's episode was rather special..
For those who might have watched it,you'll know what i mean..Today's episode was about "Idols Give Back"..
Tears could have flowed and it certainly did when i saw the poverty of some parts of this world..I've heard about it and all but to really get a visual acquisition was a bit overwhelming..And to think that i showed no more than 7 minutes of the footages in one particular snippet..
Over here we talk about saving up money maybe to buy a PSP,a new handphone,a new HDTV,a new laptop,a new bike...The works..
Over there,they search,beg, and maybe even exchange for necessities like food to keep them going,clothes to keep them warm,books to enlighten their minds,cushions to have a good sleep...The needs..
We may envisioned our heroes to be climbing up walls and saving lives..Maybe a man who comes from another planet that have super powers..Or a rich playboy by day,but a dark avenger by night..
Their versions of heroes are their own kin..A elder brother that has to provide love that only parents could..A father whose duties go beyond just being a parent..A sister who takes care like an adult would..A mother who solids herself as the sole breadwinner...
So where are we now?And where are they now?Two different worlds..Two different lives..If i could i would make changes to every one of their sad stories and make it a better one..We all know that's not possible..
That episode made me think back about how life could really differ in different parts of the world..And we should really be happy for what we are able to afford and have..And to all reading this,think about it..If you can happily go to a different blog or another website after this,think about those who don't even know how a computer looks like..

sTraZe

2007-04-22T22:44:00.000+08:00

Today is a Sunday..A good day to relax..Which i did actualli..A tiring and lethargic week for me..Cant really explain why though..If you people notice,the skin of this blog is quite assembled..So i'm really workin on it alright..
Had a nice time yesterday..Spent the first few hours working at the old green..Told one of us i had a blog..Well i hope you're reading this!!ahackz!!
Met her highness after work..Had the day fully planned..Not the typical beach,town going type of thing..But just laid back..Seriously..The town or beaches won't run anywhere,so hence the day..Watched tv,debating why 11 grown men had to chase 1 ball etc etc..Hahak..Reached home in the morning..A day well spent i might say..
Since these are synchronized thoughts,better not dwell on the diary thinggy that much..Otherwise might lose my market value...
How is the world nowadays..Well not in terms of the horrific tragedies that's been happening,but rather in the personal lives of individuals who sees their's as the perfect potrayal?Well about the recent tragedies,there should be a alot of blogs and forums about them niwaes..Better not talk about it..It's a little bit overwhelming don't you think...
How i wish i could decipher the behaviour of people who make certain impacts on lives that they didnt know would actually be residing..People can talk about happiness and sweetness they vision..But the others around them?Or maybe..themselves..
While you try to figure that one out,do remember that hypocrisy can really overtake oppurtunities hands down..
Now don't get me wrong,i'm just typing these down as these are the thoughts that are being synchronized right now after some visual buffets..No pinpointing nor hinting at anyone..Just a general reflection..What do you expect,a happy and sweet blog??

2007-04-19T00:49:00.000+08:00

Hey all..Today is a brand new Thursday..Have a course coming up
at 9am at Northpoint..Maintaining equiptment and stuffs like that..
Spent 2 days on attachment over at Tanglin Mall..Well i didn't knew the place existed anyway..On the first day there,i couldn't ride Balqis as you all might have known what happened to her on Saturday....
Damn!!I totally forgot how was it like to take trains during morning peak periods..It was stuffy,humid and well,crowded!!Got to give credit to all those who battle these everyday..Finally reached Orchard and walked all the way to Tanglin!!Yes and i got lost!!After a few phone calls,finally i made my way to Tanglin Mall..worked from 10-1800..A nice and cosy place is sure was..For the patrons that is..But it was fun!Made some new friends and the usual..
Did my second day there the day after..And i did took Balqis out..And i found out the place was easier to find when i'm with Balqis..Hah!!!
Wore a different representation today..Meaning i was working at my other place..I really miss working there..It's such and easy n fun job to do..Of course there's the occasional hazards like reckless drivers and stuffs..But it's all good..Had a few good laughs today..The laughs that i was so used to at the time in Bedok..Pity the place had to be closed down because of the tenants..Many memories can be played back by not only me but a few other people i know who knew of that particular place..Tsk...Well all good things come to and end don't they...
Well until my next entry then..

sTraZe

Sadturday

2007-04-15T13:03:00.000+08:00

Well now that its been more than a week since my last entry,i guess u people have a rough idea that i'm into writing again...It's good now that my vocabulary in speech had become quite limited anyway..Maybe due to insufficient reading or writing.I opt for the latter as i myself has been reading regularly..Well magazines and newspapers at least!
Damn what a day it was yesterday!!A saturday..A day where i would usually go out and just chill with my girlfriend..And suddenly chill became the least word to form in my mind at that point of time..We started the day together by "recce-ing" (well i did finished 2 years in the army you know) the industrial part of Tampines looking for a big for me to comprehend myself..Me and my girlfriend didn't quite really get off Balqis (that's my bike's name) and just moved around..That was when i think it got a little too hot for her..
After the survey,we were heading towards Parkway when at this particular junction at Bedok,the inevitable happened..I stopped as it was a red light,then suddenly a semi loud "pop" sound was heard and smoke was coming out from the front end of Balqis!!To add on to that,i could see coolant flowing out from the radiator as well..Damn..Aand i thought it was going to explode or something..Well that would make quite a scene isn't it..
So i called the ever reliable Xifu and told him what happened..He said this was a standard thing as the temperature increases and Balqis could not tolerate it any longer..So me and my girlfriend decided to have it towed..We waited for the towing truck for more than an hour..Talk about "lepak"-ing under the block..Called up the towing people and they suggest that we should just leave the bike there,and continue our day.. I didn't thought nothing of it until i was in the cab and just pass by Balqis just like that..It's not in my nature to leave things that associate with me just like that..I actualy felt sad and thought that how could i leave her just like that..It was the same feeling i felt when i left Wirni (my first bike) over at a motor garage for it to be traded in..Damn...
We reached Parkway anyway and did what i had to do..That is putting up some of our regulars' pictures and their favourite drinks as well as their names..We went mini shopping after that as i also wanted to buy an earphone for this particular mp4 of mine..I did get myself a 17 dollar earphone,only to find out it didn't fit!!!!!!What the hell!!I didn't know the sizes could be different..I thought it was all equal and the earphones could fit into almost anything..Well so much for embracing new technologies..Wasted some cash..And Xifu called back to say that if i were to repair the whole thing,it would cost $200++...And if were to just fix whatever that's broken,it would be around $100++..So naturally i took up the 2nd offer knowing the end of Balqis's story with me is fast coming to an end..That,and i could not take the bike out yet!Damn again!When was the last time i took public???
So there you have it..A Sadturday..I reached home before 11 on a Saturday damn it!!When the last time that happened??Now i can't follow the rest of 2Star to one of my friend's wedding..Frustating yo!!!

2007-04-03T16:22:00.000+08:00

Bbbaacccckkkkk....Finally....And what a roller coaster ride it has been without the internet...Finally got my driviin their drivingng license...A very big THHHAANNKK YYOOUUUU SAF for the kind sponsership..Well not tht i had an easy time getting that license though..But it was still worth the ride niwaes..
Well not that i am no longer in green everyday,i am in green for a few days in a week..Wwell me working at good ol' Starbucks again..Part time for the time being..And also accomplished what i want by being a rider for a certain fast food company beginning with the letter M....Had always wanted to know how is it like working with the type of people i have yet to comprehend..And it totally blew my mind away on how these type of people view their perspectives on their lives and others...
Still working at 2 different places..i am lying if i said i didn't enjoy the time working..2 different classes of people..2 different thinkings..2 different perspectives..And 2 different things to learn about them..Relishing it makes me want to work more often and see how these minds differ and what they can really achieve achieve in their own right..
Well until then...This is it for now..Can't keep you guys from reading that much..Or else you'll get tired..Yeahh..Like as if i care...Wakakakakakak

i am sorry...

2006-01-06T13:27:00.000+08:00

i have been whining alot.. compaining... asking for things/time that you cannot give.. i am so sorry... somehow i failed to understand you this time round.. i am ashamed.. coz i have always taken pride in being open and understanding.. yet i failed.. simple things brought me down. our fights became seriously huge and tempers escalated.. i am sorry...

sorry...

for yelling at you...
for complaining...
for being difficult...
for being too loud...
for being too fierce/nasty...

i am truly sorry... i hope you can forgive me... i jst miss you so much that i act like a child.. i am truly very sorry... dont leave me...

*Pinning for my boyfriend, yearning for a hug.... a cant live on juz "once a week"*

How Come

2005-12-01T20:59:00.000+08:00

Haven't been updating lately...Busy with all the shit that's happening..Just wanted to post out some lyrics to this particular song that i'm listening to right now..No originality i don't care..'Coz these words kind of reflect the things that has been happening around me..Just a normal song..By Eminem..But it sure runs deep..

So young, so full of life in vibrant side by side wherever you weres ridin i went
So close, almost on some bonnie and clyde shit
When ronnie died you weres right by my side with a sholder to cry on
Tissue to wipe my eyes, and a bucket to catch every tear i cried inside it
You even had the same type of childhood i did
Sometimes i just want to know why is it that you surcame to yours
And mine i survived it, you ran the streets, i 9 to 5'd it
We grew up, grew apart, as time went by us, then i blew up
To both yours and mine surprises
Now i feel the vibe i just cant describe it
As much as your pride tries to hide it
Your cold, you touch its like iceIn your eyes is the look of resenment
I can sense it, and i dont like it

How come we dont even talk no more
And you dont even call no more
We dont barely keep in touch at all
And I dont even feel the same love when we hug no more
And I heard it through the grape vine we even beefin now
After all the years we been down
Aint no way no how, this bullshit can be true
We family and aint a damn thing changed, unless it's you

2005-11-10T17:27:00.000+08:00

There you go..Finally an entry..Hahakz..Hari Raya was same old same old..Nothing to expect right..Just kept quiet and for sho' questions would be held back by thyself..Who would want to talk to someone quiet..Still get some cash though..Yeah yeah..How old i am to be still getting all these numerals..But who would be stupid enough at my age to reject as well?Like they say,"rezeki jangan ditolak"...
My beloved and her family came down to my house on one particular day And vice versa..That was fast..I mean few days short of celebrating our 1 year and our families have met and stuffs..They got along mind you..My dad and her's talked for like nearly a good 1 hour when they first met..Her dad liked my little brother a lot..But i can't say the same for her cat though..Hahahha..Ody and wawak had a slight misinterpretation of each other..If both are prone to jitters i mean who wouldn't..It was a nice feeling when the families met..My beloved had it too..It was like things are going along fine so far..Let's just hope this continues..
Can't type down my sunchronized thoughts for now..I did had something to write about..But i forgot..So nothing much for this entry i guess..
Just came back from outfield yesterday..again..But it was for only a short period of time..Like 2 days..I slept alone this time..In my vehicle..And my vehicle was parked inside this particular "green"area..Damn..A whole lot of mosquitoes was waiting to have their buffet..And that would be me..Strangely i didn't get bitten that much though..Maybe due to me starting the engine once in a while..And yes that was done to get some air-con..We drivers need to stay alive and healthy to drive..!But i did get bitten by sandflies..3 bites for that..But it wasn't as bad as being bitten by mosquitoes..Ouh yahh..And did i mentioned that i stupidly missed my key n Balqis..See all my insect repellants and mosquito coils are in my cupboard..And on the day itself the key was nowhere to be found..I retraced my steps but it was fruitless..So i went outfield bearing in mind that i was going to be breakfast, lunch and dinner for the mosquitoes..And so the story wentas above..But surprisingly,i found the key to my cupboard on a hook by the side of Balqis..Darnn!!How pathetic could the situation get..Very..
Weekend coming..An off day for me tommorow..'Coz Satuday i have to head back to camp..I guess recover some personnel from Detention Barracks...A GP car detail..So it's not going to be that bad..And this Saturday will be 1 official year for me and my beloved..And damn did time really past by quick..Maybe it fixed itself up with Nos or something..No idea or whatsoever to do on that day..It's like so many ideas yet so little agendas..This country's small..Not that many romantic places to go to once you know where to go to!Got to have new ideas now..I just can't let that part of my brain deteriorate..She is the one whom these ideas should go to..
As i scrolled down,i realised that there was some part or rather something that i didn't write much about..My friends..If i had a blog back then it would be all about them i guess..I don't know why they were hardly mentioned..Is my sub-conscious state telling me whati would rather not know?I can't answer that..Given a choice,i would rather leave it alone..But i cant..It's all strange when i think aboutit..Hmmzz..Just have to keep this updated..Until then..

Nothing Lasts Forever,
Even Cold November Rain...

Fasts...

2005-10-31T03:47:00.000+08:00

This is it!!This week is the week where we muslims will celebrate our Hari Raya Puasa after a month of fasting..Am glad that uptill now i still have yet to give up any fast day yet..Still full..So let's just say i can celebrate without that much of any second thoughts running around..Still cant figure out why are there still people eating freely without having any feelings of embarrassment..Referring to muslims of course..Males or females it doesn't matter..What matters is where have all the sense of one's responsibility gone to..And yet some still have the cheek to tell me about what traditional suit theyhad bought and would wear on the first day after our fasting month..Damn..It's no use for me to think and decipher..All i can conclude is that the world is indeed coming to an end..No doubt about it..God have all the right to feel disgusted..Just can't take it anymore..And with all these disasters appearing on the front pages of the local papers,it seems so much like it..I just hope there is enough time for me to build a family with my beloved and go on to a pilgrimage with her as that has been my dream all these years..

Went outfield again this past week..But just for a day..Went early in the morning only to come back in the evening..And a feast was waiting for us back at camp..Staff Jamal bought food and drinks for the whole 3 S.i.r drivers as he did not follow us on our outfield trip..The intention was to break our fast together..But like i mentioned earlier,not all had fasted..Only a few..Maybe around 5 or 7 of us..But still we waited for the rest to come back then would we savour the Briyani rice..40 packets of them courtesy of one of our driver who helped out a Briyani stall over at Busroh Street..And damn was the rice filling!I mean it was so damn full that almost all of us did not finish up on our own individual packets..A whole damn lot of good Briyani there..That day also marked a day where many faces would not be seen again..I mean the only time where we could see them is when they come to do either their clearance or take their pink I.C..Yeaps..ORD personnel clearing their individual leave..Lesser people to joke with..Even lesser people to trust..And to the person reading this,take care bro..Youknow who you are..For you admitted to reading these synchronized thoughts of mine from time to time..Your batch is on its way to freedom now..And so are you..Take care aigght..Its going to be a difficult journey from now on..No longer will there be somebody for me to wake up..There will be of course..But no one beside..Yeah you know what i mean..It's always hard to say goodbye no matter what circumstances it may be..Just remember the 7 core values that we learned in green..It could take you places..Peace bro'...

Broke fast over at my beloved's place over on Saturday..Was a little bit late actually..Picked her up at her workplace then rushed to Sengkang running some errands..Then went to Beach Road to buy some delicacies for breaking fast..Hence the delay in breaking fast..Went to Geylang after that as my beloved had planned with her old friend to meet there..Yes..Of all places..Can't say much as it is the last year where that place would be the place to shop upon Hari Raya..Got a little"lost" due to a problem in communication to as where the designated meeting point would be..But it was all good..My beloved was talking all the way with her girlfriend..While i was just beginning to talk the her boyfriend..Nice guy..Sweet couple..What more i can say..The guy used to be a military driver like me..He has a stable job now..She has a job too..Good for the both of them..Don't know when will we meet but i don't mind seeing them again..They're aigght..Chatted while we had some drinks at a nearby coffee shop till like 2230 then parted ways..Sent my beloved home and did the normal routine on every other weekend..Didn't do much today..Just followed my mum to complete the quota for my little brother's dressing for this year's coming Raya..Fetched some pastries at my beloved's place as my mum had ordered and asked her to buy some while she was in JB..Went out again upon reaching home..Met Iylas at camp as he wanted to park his bike there..Gave me the keys to warm up his bike while he's away..He will go to Australia as a part of a military exercise..Foa a good 1 week i think..So he needs someone to warm up his bike..So i said ok..

Looking back this year,i said goodbye quite a number of times..Be it living or non living..Be it a friend or the situation..Still earlyf or me to summarise the year of 2005..I guess i'll just save it then..

If only we could all just find serenity
It would be nice if we could live as one
When will all these anger,hate and piquotry
Be gone

I'm just a dreamer
I dream my life away
I'm just a dreamer
Who dreams of better days..

=---=--Lonely=---=---

2005-10-23T04:23:00.001+08:00

Just got back home..It was raining just now..Went nowhere the whole day..Today's a Saturday mind you..Well ok so it was yesterday since i am typing this early in the morning..Spent nearly the whole day at home..Woke up quite late just now..Very tired due to yesterday which was a Friday..My beloved broke fast over at my place..First time for everything huh..And surprisingly the man of the house talked to her..That doesn't happen always..Which is a good thing too..He was tucking into the stuffs which my beloved bought like no tommorow..I guess a breeze of fresh air increased his appetite..Headed over to Geylang next..My beloved and all..Bought some stuffs..She had fun..We had fun..Am glad..Very glad indeed..So me and my beloved parted ways with my family as i wanted to send her home..Sneaked in..And damn did i not regret that decision..The best night i ever had in her room..Now no sayings to as what was done..I wouldn't want to disclose our secrets..I could play sims for all you care..But damn man!!The best night ever!!!And that was why i woke up today around 1500 hours..Hahh..

Painted the house today..Too bad aerosol couldn't be an option..Had to use the normal rollers and brushers..So i went out after that..Just to pump some air into the tyres of Balqis..And also to take a walk..Anywhere..My beloved went to JB today with her family..And won't becoming back until tommorow..So a lonely weekend for me..Walked the empty and dark streets at Tampines Central..As i walked i can't help but reminisce..I never walked these empty and dark streets alone back then..Always with the guys or at least one of them..How i wish i could go back to all those legendary years where our echelon was never disrupted..Can't do that now..Still can't figure out when was the beginning that ended it half-way..I'm still fighting for that other half now..Man..It was just like last year when we still took public transport and met every Sunday at Tampines to discuss the things we reprezent..As hard it is for me to accept the present,the harder it is for me to neglect the past..It's different when you walked at a certain place which held so many memories,and places where u know at a certain point back then that you will never walk alone..Can't turn back time..Can't forsee the future as well..Soi guess i have to live the present..

Balqis is very fine now..Spent like $220 on her that's why..She's smooth now..Smooth the way that she should be..But still not fast enough..Have to adjust her a little bit..A little bit here and a little bit there..But that will only happen when i have the $$$!Currently i just have to make do with the smoothness..

Nothing new at camp..Still under alert red..Only that next week maybe outfield again..But such tough luck that my next medical appointment falls on the same date again..Damn..Have to change it still unclear..Have to wait until next week when everything's confirm..Only then will i know if a change is needed..Jae and Bear are clearing their individual leaves now..How i wish to be in their shoes..That day will come soon..Can't wait..A near empty camp i go to now everyday..As the division is currently on Exercise Wallaby..Majority of the drivers are already in Australia..Good luck to them..All the way until 16th November i think..Could not imagine those who wished they could spend their "Hari Raya"back home..Tears may dwell for whoever if thoughts like that slowly lingers in their heads..Kudos to them..Well until then folks..

Everyone is changing 'coz
No one's left that's real
So make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel....

Everything's so blurrry..

2005-10-18T14:03:00.000+08:00

SIM ADDICT!!! SIM ADDICT!!! SIM ADDICT!!! SIM ADDICT!!!!

that was what you used to call me then.. HAH! whose THE sim addict now aye?? Muahahahahaha! *winks* hmmm... fasting has taken a toll on me.. im falling sick more often (like you havent noticed)... sorry i sneezed all over you... (should have seen his face.. he was like... ewwww.. grossssss... ) wahahahahahahahaha!

yeah we screwed up didnt we? pretty bad too i might add... just like my blog.. screwd up and outta sorts... i dun even bother to fix it nemore.. hahah~ i can olways ruin yours! wahahahahaah! anyway i just wanna say am sowiiieeee.... i noe i messed up pretty bad that day... but we are cool right.... plus i really love you loads....

nowwww... about that BONIA handbag... (wahahahahahahaha) *winks*

These days..

2005-10-16T15:57:00.000+08:00

When was the last entry written by me..Hahh..A good 11 days back..Well i could say i was very busy..Not that i was busy at camp..But i was busy rather with the computer..No it didn't create problems like it did last time..See i just bought this particular game..The Sims 2..HAH!!!Yes i bought the exact same game which i bought for my beloved..Got so hooked to it due to my overnight stays over at her place..So i decided to buy it for myslef..And oh boyy..Was i hooked..Very hooked..Yes you all can say things like when was that game tops at the charts bla bla bla..But better late than never..Heeheee..Didn't even got on the internet due to the game..Yeah that hooked was i during these past 11 days..Well but still i have to update my blog sooner or later..Can'tkeep these synchronized thoughts from declining..
Hmmmzzz..A lot of things to type..But hell no will i type to a point where you people will just get bored of reading..Hah..Ouh yahh..The entry before this was written by me beloved herself..She asked me for password the other time..No wonder she was happy after that..A touching entry i might say..A cheeky smile doesn't mean i am cheeky..Just a little naughty that's all..Heh..I guess her blog is a little out of sorts right now..Hence the entry..There was this particular stretch of days where we quarelled regularly..Big ones..I screwed up..She screwed up..We both screwed up instead of screwing each other..Heh..Well everything's all right now..Fasting months are not only physically demanding but also mentally tiring as well..After all these years i stillcan't explain why trying situations happens during this period..Only HE knows i guess..Met my beloved yesterday..Didn't went anywhere crowded though..Took her to devil's bend at Thomson and then went to Lower Pierce to just chill..She showed me what she had bought for me..A digicam..And WOW..It costed her 649..Plus the printers and stuffs reached to nearly 900..She said she bought it because of how i am treating her all these while and how i took care of her..Damn..I didn't expect the digicam..I told her to hang on to it..If i need to use the digicam then i will take it from her..It's just not me to receive stuffs like that..Especially expensive ones..It's her hard earned money..And so the story goes..

Went outfield this past week..3 days 2 nights..The first day was sucha punishing day for me..The heat..The essentials..All was semi-torturing me to a point where all i could do was just sit down and stare..Buti still managed to fast the whole day..Yeah..I'm happy i did..It's notoften i could go outfield and fast..Took it was a challenge..And yes uptill now my fasts have been faithfully full..I tought the hardestchallenge was a couple of years back where i was still working at the airport..Working 2 4-hour shifts did took its toll..Carrying heavy loads and all..And still the fasts were full..I thought that was the hardest..I didn't know fasting while in the jungle was an even harder practice..Had to camouflage my 5 tonner..Damn..At an open space at that..No shades to hide beneth..Just straight under the scorching sun..Well an experience gained perhaps..

Planned to break fast just now with the guys..Very last minute decisions happening there..It was already 1830 and we're still on the road going to the designated meeting point..But we still managed to break fast in time..Food arrived exactly a few minutes after the specific time..So we tucked in..And talked..And planned..To as where to go next..Decided with Esplanade..Chilled there..Caught up with each other..Laughed..Lame jokes.."Sight-seeing"..Waited for 2 more guys namely Eraze and Sha-Zee to come..Well we waited for such a damn long time til we got bored of that place..And after they came we headed to Geylang..Some minor shopping one of the guys did..And all the while we were on the road then it hit me..This was a scene i taught would never visualize in frontof me..All of my friends riding bikes..All of us riding together..Now nearly all of us are nearly in it..Menaze in on his way..He promised before his birthday he would get his ride..I hope so too..Then it would be complete..For our side that is..There still the other half of the Outcast..

Our last destination was Simpang Bedok..Oh boy..Did something happened there..I didn't witnessed it..Menaze did..But i learnt that an old friend was there..And so was her err,err guy,x-guy i don't know..What i do know was that,that guy had water thrown at his face by this old friend of mine..And he was with this other girl..Well that bitch wasn't happy with my old friend of course..But of course..She was humiliated too..Hence she decided to gangsterize her presence..Lame cheap bitch..The things they do for dicks..My old friend was stittng across of me withher family..Saw her eyes..Well it showed the things that's supposed to be shown after events like that..Sadness..Only she knows how herself feels..Well there you have it..A summarization of events leading upto this day..And yes The Sims 2 please..

Err i forgot the lyrics to the girl's version
of Eamon's Fuck You Right Back..
Oh Well..

Love Hurts.. Thats why its REAL....

2005-10-06T13:07:00.000+08:00

Hmmm....

Welcome to the realm of the unknown... for me that is.. heheheh~! This is a message for my beloved boyfriend, who, insyaALLAH i will marry one day...

I almost cried when i read your blog. it seems so unfair sometimes.. We are together for almost a year now and i cant hardly believe that either. The friendship that i had received bloomed to such a beautiful relationship. I must admit I have never met anyone more patient with me and in the process, made me more mature. Heck, i even learnt not to be so particular abt certain things. Hahahaha! Many times i almost mindlessly threw my 'gem' out the window in a fit of rage... But i will also admit that many times i was the one who came crawling back... Yet you quietly put up with my temper and tanrums...

I guess i was adjusting from "Having to work for love" to "Being loved".... and yes, i was difficult to handle.. i still am anyway... But you brought a new level in my life.. I have never felt more contented and at peace with myself.. I did things which i have long put on hold...(eg: get a gooood job, be financially secure, etc) and I did all those with your support.. You amaze me... And with your $50 story, you made me realise the real worth of a human being... A soldier may have fallen but he is not forgotten~

I just wanted you to know that i love you for who you are... Bike or no bike... graf and all... whatever... I got to know Roslan, the simple guy with a big heart and a cheeky smile... That is the Roslan i fell for... The one who made me a stronger person. and loved me for ME! not for my money.... So it does not really matter what you have or do not have koz i dun care anymore... I once told you that you are perfect... and i will stand by my statement...

Also, to DILA... (if thats your name koz there are way too may hoes, if you know what i mean).... Thank you.. Really.... For screwing whatever you had with him... I gained from your loss and all i can say is you made a big loss! But who cares... Im sure there are many other males out there who suits you.. be it 2-legged or 4... *winks*

So my wish is happiness for anyone, and everyone... And yes, like what my baby said, He can claim as and when He wants... Life is short so make it worthwhile... Leave behind a legacy that your family and offsprings will be proud of... The same way that my children wil be proud of their father...

*PeAcE Be UpOn YoU*

***LyNn ChEmOnG***
Love me.... Love my Cat....

2005-10-05T21:28:00.000+08:00

Today was the first day of the fasting month for us Muslims..What a day it was over at camp..Not that i was involved in any activities or whatsoever..But there were a lot of things happening here and there..2 people were charged..1 of them rightfully so..Well i wouldn't like to mention names but ZUL..HE DESERVED IT!!hahahah..This typical maggot who speaks highly of himself and doesn't mix with us..Coz he doesn't like the idea of us licking Staff Jamal's boots..Well those boots sure can kick his ass for all i care..Furthermore he's not a team player..Just a pathetic loner and loser..Well he deserved to go into detention barracks for 2 weeks..A bit short for me to think about it..How i wished he could be inside for like 40 days..And miss the first day of Hari Rayawith his family..God knows if he even has one..Maybe his family are a certain group of people who "understands" and "accept" him as who he is..Hahhhh!Fuck that..

Like i was typing,a lot of activities happened at camp..They were having this LRI thinggy going on..A lot of movements here and there..I was involved for a minimum time..Apart from that,it was zzzZzZzzZZz all the time for me..First day of Ramadhan has its effects..Couldn'tunderstand why i was so tired and sleepy whereas on other days i could still take the punishment..Special month..

Somebody at camp told me i was going to have a short life..Boy did that rammed me back to earth..Not that i believed in palm reading or any of those stuffs..If HE wants me now HE will get me now..But suddenly all those synchronized thoughts became disrupted for a little point of time..Suddenly i realised life wasn't that long after all..It wasn't supposed to be in the first place..Us humans just took things for granted..And forgot that we could go back anytime HE wants us to..A scary thought..As much as i want to disperse those thoughts,i cant..For it doesn't only play in my mind..But it plays itself in reality too..Not only me but all of us won't know when we will leave this place no matter how hard we try to..We just can't..We're too weak..That point taken and still humans trying to prove how strong they can get..Just look at the very recent Bali bombings..Wouldn't like to comment much on that as it could get quite sensitive..I just don'tunderstand..And many people won't either..Signs are showing that theworld is indeed coming to an end..It's just a matter of time..And i just have to keep continue doing things that i should have done before..Make preparations for that day to come..

It's Something Unpredictable
But I Hope You Have
The Time Of Your Life

2005-10-02T16:27:00.000+08:00

Just finished cleaning Balqis up..She sure needed some cleaning here and there..An eventful weekend can be said for me..On Friday night went to my Staff Sergeant's place for some religious event..That night potrayed a different person whom i used to think i could never talk to..He was a simple man..With a lot of burden resting on his shoulders..Saw one of the pictures displayed was a picutre of someone with Down Syndrome..A pity..But questions still lingers to as who it was..His brother?His child?Staff doesn't have any children..And i don't know why..I didn't ask..But there was one picture showing he and his wife carrying a baby not more than 5 months old..And where is that child now?His closest relative that was present was his brother in law..That was what i was told..And so where are HIS siblings?Nowhere in sight..At his home he didn't look menacing..He looked homely..A kind family man..A man whom you could just approach to ask for directions..I still can't figure out to as why he was hated because of either his character or attitude..Whatever it was he did a good job in making it hard for people to work with him..But not to me..Not anymore..The respect that's residing inside has increased without any judder that i thought that might be present..And the way he chortles just signified how gentle he is..He doesn't laugh like a hyena..Just small chortles..A quiet man he is..

Went out early on Saturday..Met akram over at Kembanganto discuss about Balqis..The mechanic there will sort things out..Balqis sure is sick..She chokes when it seemed like i didn't throttle the way i should..It's like Balqis would never let me go slow..Or she will choke and die..And when i turn her on again,i will throttle hard and black smoke will come out from her..Talk about attitude..After Kembangan i accompanied Akram to Geylang as he wanted to look for some particular book he was looking for..Fruitless..Followed him to eat and off i went to my beloved's place..Played the game which i bought for her and damn i was hooked!Played for like nearly an hour before i finallyate her cooking..She cooked some spaghetti and chicken wings..Grilled ones..Yum Yum..Played Sims 2 again and off we went to the graveyard for a little visit..Went went over to my late grandfather's grave first..And over there i asked permission from him to put the ring which was left by him onto my beloved's finger..I had kept that ring and told to myself that one day i'm going to put that ring on my special someone's finger..And i did..Went over to 2 other graves..Which one of them was her Pak Din and another was her late grandfather..She broke down at the latter..She apologized and explained why she wasn't there when her late grandfather left..Apparently her emotions got the better of her..She had an arguement with her x that day and he kind of like wouldn'tlet my beloved see her late grandfather and stuffs..A choice or something like that..And so she didn't get to see her late grandfatherfor the last time..Well fuck people like her x..An egoistic maggot like him deserve to burn in hell..And at the rate he is going even up till now to whoever his new bitch is he sure will..FUCK him and his fucked up mind..And the one who may be bearing his child now..Yeah she or he can get it too..Fuck that motherfucker..May his children never see him when he die..And even if they did may they thank God for that..May he never rest in peace.. Something kind of funny happened as we wanted to move off..Started Balqis but when kicked to gear one she just died..Throttled hard a few times but it still happened..Damn..It wasn't funny..It shouldn't be when it's getting dark and you cant start your form of transport at the graveyard..Well it did became funny when the problem came to light..It was actually the stand!..hahahahahahaha..See Balqis has this feature in her that if the stand is never brought up she will die just like that..Hahahhahaha..Me and my beloved were relieved and laughing at the same time..Heehee..Went to Tan Tock Seng Hospital after that..Visited a child of a family friend of her's as he was involved in a 2 machined accident..Looked kinda bad..7 bones kinda snapped at rib cage..And he can't move that much as it will hurt..And opposite his bed was also involved in a 2 machine accident..More and more needless accidents are taking place..I had lost a friend through an accident like that..It hurts..And i wouldn't want to see anymore like that if given a choice..Choices are not for me for only HE decides everything..After the visit she went back with her parents while i so called wanted to meet my friends..The meeting never happened..Just a bad case of communication..Fuck that..Oh well..Everything's changing now..Keep up with the time i guess..So went over to my beloved's place and did the normal routine..Was playing sims all the way!..Well not all the way but most of the time..Hehehe..But i was so hooked until i went back at5 am in the morning..When was the last time that happened..Hah..And today..Need to cut my hair a little..Planning to chill out with the guys later..Let's hope this happens..

Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rest,
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.

2005-09-28T17:27:00.000+08:00

Wednesday..September 28th..A day to remember for me..Not that a year ago i just passed my military license to drive,but rather an exit for 'someone' dear to me..She was there when i first kissed the road..From then on i had a rough idea how tar smelled like..She was there when i passed my 2b license..She was also there to remind me not to feel big on the road and i learnt it the hard way..She was there when i was rushing for time..She was there when i was lonely and had nowhere to go to..It didnt matter i haven't had any destinations in sight..She will just take me there..She was there to remind me it took more than just money to make anyone happy..It needed care and concern..She was there with me when we made people stared in awe..She was there with me when we reprezented..She waited for me patiently outside while i clubbed inside..I was there when she fell sick..I was there when she was treated badly by her x..I was there to make things better for her..I was the one who gave her a makeover and made her mine..And now we no longer belong together..2 years of relationship ended today..Tears nearly formed as the ending moments came to a close just now..As I left her all alone beside that place,i cant help but reminisce about our past..It was very beautiful indeed..I said some final prayers to her..And as i left Wirni Rindiani,i met Citra Balqis..The new 'person' in my life now..As i sit on Balqis,glanced at Wirni for the very last time,and off i went..

A new dimension for me now..No turning back no matter how much i wanted to..I didn't expected emotions would be running high..Wirni was after all a passing phaze i knew i had to pass one day..Buti didn't know the phaze that i had to pass was a difficult one..Wirni will find somebody new..And i know that person will take care of her..Maybe that person will treat her even nicer..I don't know..She is on her own now,for a while..And I am too..Yeah i still have Balqis to get to know to..But it's going to take quite some time for me and Balqis to have that same chemistry I and Wirni once shared..Time is a good medium to heal all wounds..And it will..I hope..Balqis sure needs a new make over and some washing up..Well,
It Can't Rain All The Time..

Here I Go
So Dishonestly Leave A Note
For You My Only One
And I Know
You Can See Right Through Me
So Let Me Go
And You Will Find Someone..

Sweet Memories..Wirni Rindiani...
..2003-2005..

2005-09-25T12:57:00.000+08:00

Final day of the week..Had a boring day yesterday,which was a Saturday..That doesn't happen often to me..No plans on a Saturday..Damn...Just went over to a relative's place for some religious function and that was about it..Ouh..Well something did happen before that..I finally secured the exit of Wirni in my life..By next week there will no longer be a Wirni in my life..A sudden pack of diatribes was suddenly taken into place the more i thought about it..What if somebody told you that by next week you can already step into another dimension and thus have to leave your current one behind?Cant help this mixture of feelings i'm having from pouring out..It's somehow sad,partly eager and partly reserved..I'm still unsure whether the crepuscular thoughts within can be overturned once all these are settled..

Most proabably going outfied for a couple of days or so..2 drivers will not go as they will be assigned to do admin details for the unit..Lucky..But no names have been singled out..Well i don't mind going outfield..It's like a norm now for me..Let's just say i'm used to it already..Took it like an adventure or some sort..No toilets to wash up,to answer nature be it big or small,and the best,no need to bathe..Ouh yeah..Just a few more months to endure..And bye bye zero cleanliness..

My beloved is coming home today..Not sure whether meeting her can be an option though..Time constrains do have an effect on both of us..Missed her..Although it was only for the weekend..She said she wants the best material for our traditional suits this coming Raya..I don't know if she has found what she's looking for..Whatever it is i will still wear it of course..Our first official Traditional suits together..She still doesn't know i will have to say goodbye to Wirni soon..She will know of course..But not without some acts i would like to put up..Heehee..

Time is a valuable thing
Watch you clock by as the pendulum swings
Watch you countdown till the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal....

2005-09-20T22:27:00.000+08:00

Tuesday night..A very wet Tuesday night i might say..Rained all the way from Woodlands down to eastside at my place..Swung there for a while to send my beloved my traditional suit..As she will be off this weekend to across the causeway for tailoring our traditional suits..White with a little bit of gold will be our theme this year..Hope everything turns out alright..My poor beloved is down with fever..And i have to admit the origins of the virus was from me..Heehee..But i did brought for her a bottle of cough syrup..Was for me given by the medics over at camp..A good mixture,so i think it should decrease her coughs by more than 50%..Also bought her some fried chicken..Have to pamper someone who is sick a little i guess..Just wanted to make her feel better..
Written in my previous entry that today could be a day that would start a whole new dimension for me to play in..And it could also make me say goodbye to Wirni..Well i guess i will say goodbye to Wirni..Not now but very soon..Maybe over the weekend?I'll just have to wait and see i guess..Faster speeds to experiment,greater powers to explore and fresh designs to create..Can't wait..
Until then folks..

Greater powers comes an even greater responsibilities..

2005-09-18T19:07:00.000+08:00

Sunday afternoon now..Feeling very sick at the moment..The flu virus sure have caught up..It had infected 2 of the guys over at camp..It's my turn now i guess..Spent the whole day with my beloved yesterday..Didn't quite turned out the way i expected it to be..I guess it was my fault that i didn't made any reservations at Cafe Vienna over at RoyalScott Hotel..Damn..And as a result no fancy dinings on her birthday..Felt really bad though..But birthday girl siad it was alright and didn't want to eat there either as it was expensive..So we head down tothe nearest food station..Birthday girl spent her birthday eating at Cahaya Restaurant..Haha!She wanted it..And boy did we have a feast there..With a little bit of excess money,we decided upon watching a movie..So much for my previous entry huh!Told her we could scrap the movie and buy some simple stuffs..She declined and insisted on the movie..We watched Supercross..And what a movie..Not the type where you would expect a great storyline and a twisted ending..It was basics but i was referring to the bikes..Ouh damn all those Ktms,Crs',Yzs'..It was Motocross heaven for those who indulged in dirt activities..

After the movie we walked for a while before heading towards home..Her home that is..I knew she wanted to play the gift that i bought for her which was The Sims 2..Hahak she didn't expected i wasgoing to buy that for her..Can't forget her looks when she tore the wrapper..She went to a state of exuberance for a while..She cried too..Tears of joy i guess..Assumptions crept up that she was never treated the way i am treating her now..Of course,assumptions are always dangerous..But from the looks of it this assumption i had can be true..So stayed over at her place until 11pm..Waited for a few minutes then sneaked into her room..An almost normal routine every saturday..Watched her install her newly received game...And within minutes she was on her way to Sims euphoria..Of course we had the usual exchange of sweet touches here and there..It was beautiful..We created 2 families on theSims..One was called the Flavaz and the other was called Foxx..And uptill now she is still on her way to make her Sims successful..I'm gladshe enjoyed the gift..

A new week to endure for me..Something big is coming up this 20th September..A Tuesday..A test which can change a lot of things..This testcan make me say goodbye to Wirni Rindiani..So wish me all the best whoever you are..And i thank you..

..Ouh baby baby we belong together..

Updated!

2005-09-15T18:17:00.000+08:00

After oblivions of passing time has a new entry been finally put up..Cant blame me though..Been hit by 1 virus after another..And if not for Nas's brother i would still have been computerless now..Heh..A lot ofthings to update..A lot of things to write..A lot of things to tell..But by the time you readers have read 17 lines more,your eyes would havegotten droopier by the minute that's for sure..Hmmmz speaking of 17,this Saturday,which is the 17th of September,is my beloved's birthday..First time spending her birthday together..

Had an idea initially..But that would have cost a bomb if it wereto work out..And i cant afford that right now..Maybe save that idea for next year..So this year is just going to be a relaxing time togetherwith her..Had her present sorted out..I'm sure she will like it..'Coz that was what she wanted for quite some time now..Want to take herout for a nice dinner but no clues to as where to go yet..Hmmzz...I would really like to diminish the typical birthday or anniversary that typical people would have..She said to me once how her experiences on this were..Go for a movie,dinner,clubbing and last BUT NOT LEAST a hotel..Fuck those types..Worse enough it was her who was paying..Well that was all in the past now..Heading towards special anniversaries and exquisitebirthday parties..I just hope her day this Saturday will be special.. Still donning the green uniform though..Its been a rollercoasterride i must say..

On stand by now..Had a pager given to be used for a certain period of time..hahakk..Things are getting more political overat camp..But who cares..I'm just there for the ride..Not all i must say deserve to be long time friends..Some yes..But surely not all..With friends like those who needs enemies..Took me time to get thesestuffs sorted out..Stuffs like who to trust,who to look out for,whoto disengage at and who to remain contact with after my service has beenjustified..

As for my real friends,well everything's been going on great too..Not to say that we had just lost a graffiti competition the other day..Hahak..Things weren't going on right for me that day..Just didn't knowwhere to draw the line between them and my beloved..Got into a quarrel with my beloved...But it was alright after that..I guess i still needto work out some stuffs between brothers and beloveds..Wouldn't wanna lose both..Had some graffiti done over the past few months..The previous onebefore the was a backdrop for jam and hop 2005 over at Kembangan..That was FR though..As for rWf,our lastest was done somewhere in the eastjust after the showcase i think..Heehee.. Guess this is all i have to type right now..Have to constantly update my blog now..We all need a getaway from all the non cyber facilities..

Low Crime doesn't mean No Crime...

2005-06-03T17:07:00.000+08:00

Ouuuhhh man looks like some one is really playing the stupid game of cat n mouse here..Using a fake name hiding the real identity behind those words..Tsk..Such cowardice still exists in the wretched world..Well what can i do huh..Make myself frust..Naaahh..Too matured for that matter..What good are words when action speaks louder bitch?? OOpps i'm sorry..I might be dissing a very tersedar Melayu..Maybe some spokeperson for a "kesenian" type of shit..Since i am a "melayu taq sedar diri kan" thenthis Mojo must be very "sedar" huh..Wearing cloths on your head to make headspins doen't makeany girl any better..Wearing "jubah/sarban" doesn't make anybody any purer remembering the factthat a holy person was caught DEAD in batam while his privates was IN an UNHOLY HOLE!HAHAHAHAHAH...The world is coming to an end so fuck u mojo whoever you are..Ouhh yahh peopleread up...After this entry for'sho Mojo will diss me again on the tagboard..Being the HOLY coward that he/SHE is,it's for sure the tag board will be flooded by her headspinning clans!hahahhahhaha..Or maybea Guy Who wants to be a hero and his Floorsweeping clans!WAHAHHAHAHA..
Ahhh the hazards of a blog..So much for freedom of speech..Ouh yahh.."MELAYU YANG SEDAR DIRI AJER" can do that..so i guess i have to burn my fingers to refrain from synchronizing my thoughts.The what's the use of a blog with the address Synchronizedthoughts?? For fun?For fame?FOr glory?Well i guess now for FUCKING dissers who can't take reality in check..Yeah i can go back to my streetsand see the real world surround..Fuck! Now there are evidence of those so called Minah Ferrings doing a blowjob to one lucky fella i guess..All caught on camera with the headgear still intact!HAHAHAGrow up bitch..The least you could do is take it off..Ouh i fergot.."NI KAN MELAYU SEDAR DIRI!!"hahahahahahahahahahaha "hmm no wonder u grow up to be an idiot who don noe how to appreciate wat others r trying to do for ur preciousssss! "<--- i just checked... she still loves me...

P.s...Just starting my own blog and i have this stinking, puss-oozing maggot bearing a grudge against me for nothing? Well that muthafucka can get it too!FUck her/him/IT then!! Muaahahahhahahahahhaahahha~ Lets playyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

2005-05-03T22:17:00.000+08:00

A month of unwritten thoughts..actually i did typed an entry a week or so back..BUT FUCK THE INTERNET..it didn't got through..so here i am now with a "new" entry..can't quite remember fully what i wrote..but it had to be somethings about my precious..and naz..let me recall the words that i used..ouh yahh..now i'm really proud of him..he is in Taiwan now..and coincidentally its hisbirthday today..ahackz..he's on his way in becoming a specialist now..wowww..he will lead his men in the near future..look what he has become now..from that nobody beside a someone,to a somebody beside a no one..decipher that people..he can finally rest his head high..and i'm proud to be his friend..
Nearly 6 months me and my precious have been together..been in and out of fights like no one'selse's business..well once we get this together it will worth more than any awards is..went to the beach ona particular saturday..spent like nearly the whole day there..and that was after a fight the night before..all was not well on that day..i still felt shitty..still felt she had not forgiven me..but i carried on nevertheless..couldn't see it coming down my eyes before we went to the bach and even until we had finished our day at the beach..don't know why..she then wanted to eat over at parkway..Banquet to be precise..so we wentthere..i ordered a plate of carrot cake while she ordered hokkien mee..and for some reason,my hands were trembling..i couldn't even feed myself..i put down the chopsticks for a while..and there it was..she took someof my food and fed me..and that was it..i could finally see it coming down my eyes now..and it wasn't the song that cried..i realised how caring she was..all these small little things are those that count..if she hadthe initiative to feed me now..she will also have that intiative in the future..there lies in front of me a personwho will take care of me no matter what..
Now all is well between me and my precious..the way she talked and treat me now is magical..it's likemy own dream girl taking care of me..all that i want in a girl she has it now..yeah..woww Lan..woww..and where is my previous dream girl now?? oh gone drinking at a club and getting drunk all night long..whichhotel she will visit after that is anybody's guess..blearrghh..people change..and i do mean people change..from the broken hearted to the naive..from the egoistic to the fallen..all will change..it's just a matter howthe changes will take place...i've seen people come and go..what's sad is that what we used to have togethercan never again be used like before..what i thought could be forever had to be memories..what i thoughtcould be together had to be seperated..can't blame them though..that's their chosen path..whom i thoughtwould stay had to leave with just a fading footprint..
And just today,i learnt what my little brother went through at his uncle's place..beaten by hands..i can never forgive those who lay a finger on my little one..and now this happened..to say i can't forgiveis wrong for those hands do belong to my own blood..but i can never forget..gone are the respect that resides within..and gone are thoughts of him as one of the greates figures in my life..fuck all those shit..like i said above..things change..and this is it..the world is coming to an end..it's inevitable..and to lose respect for my own flesh and blood is one of the signs..so be it..many have chose to give up on my little one..but they forget who's brother is that..it's fair for me to say NONE of any of my flesh and bloodhad went through like what i went..yes i went to that part of the society..yes i did those type of things..yes i had those type of friends..yes i performed with all those type of people..yes i went to those typeof places..yes i've fallen on that road..yes i grew up in the streets..BUT HELL NO I DIDN'T GREW UPPROTECTED LIKE SOME PRINCE OR PRINCESS SHIT IN A PALACE..None of them i dare say went through what i did..be it my dad's..or my mum's..smart..but not streetwise..able but not capable..my little one has me by my side..and i will make sure his bringing up is as colourful as mine..and not boring assome..books he may read..but it will be the streets that will teach him...like what his brother went through..

"air dicincang tak akan diputus..Senang..Close the tap"

2005-04-01T20:40:00.000+08:00

April fool day..death anniversary of the late Brandon Lee..and also a date for my veri late entry..heehee!!been very busy lately..army life..personal life..was on attachment over at Kranji these past 2 weeks..and damn what a time..1 of the best attachments ever..and also a fun one too..initially onli me,yus and bear..3 people for the first week then ilyas and khai join..(say hie to sum of my campmates)..and that time was where we 3 (bear n yus) talked on a personal level quite a lot..sometimes,well actualli not that sometimes but quite always i ponder why do people diss yusli so much..i don't see that hatred coming from within me..maybe i may not be in the same bunk or maybe not even be a smoker..but what i make out of him during the 2 weeks of our attachment was quite different to views of people that surrounds him..he also told me a story about man and its weaknesses..the story may be passed down to him but when he told it,it was quite meaningful..coming from a person like him..ouh well just as long as i'm ok with him that should be alright..i don't mind having a personal friend in him..he has potentials that only a few can figure out..
Well enough of green bullshit..i guess now what's been happening in my life is the lack of what some might say the root of all evil which is money..hahakz..yeah lacking lots of it..still not used to having only less than 400 a month while i used to get like 400 in 2 weeks!! well gone are the days of sneaks reprezentin,e-spendin,and on road speedin..but i'll manage i guess..now that my beloved has got a new job over at tanjong pagar..a barista of some sort but not at starbucks or cbtl..but rather for a local company named Aroma's..or something like that..heehee...my girl knows what standard is..and so do i..as in the fnb line coz since i used to work at starbucks and she over at chijmes,we both know what's the expectations of working in an industry where it's hard to say no to a customer..and hell yeah her place sure needs standards!!hahakz..well i cant mention these stuffs..could get sued for that..but i'm happy for her..working onli office hours..as her place is at CBD..now that she's working our budget won't be that tight anymore i guess..but we'll never know..
Enough of typing!!until next time yeah..

Money can't buy happiness..For everything else there's Mastercard..(but my mastercard ain't got any money in it!!wat the phuck!!!)

2005-02-20T18:56:00.000+08:00

Bad week for the world revolving around me..4 military accidents in a week happened to my camp..3 were involved to the place that i was attached at for 4 days..2 included civilian cars..1 of them crashed onto the back of a car just after SLE Woodlands exit avenue 2 going to BKE..and 4 vehicles were involved..damn..Barney was the one involved..wen i got there he was still stunned..shaken..sleepy..he went back to camp while i drove that particular tonner to Kranji camp..k and i thought that was that..
Saturday..was out with my lil bro after picking him up from tution..at tampines mall to be precise..received a call from Fazly...said to me that an ex school mate had passed away..it was Fahmy..my hairs stood to its very end when i heard it..Fazly asked me weather i was going to the hospital and i said i will come a.s.a.p..Fahmy..we were in the same batch,,didnt got close until at 1 point of time where the express and normal tech were to go to Sarawak for an excursion...then our whole batch got close..then after that sometimes we would take the same bus home since we're both living together in Pasir Ris..a shoe fanatic too..when i reached the hospital,saw his body covered in white cloth and i could only see his face..that's it..reality sets in..Fahmy was really lying motionless in front of me..
It wasn't really sure how he died..heard that he had an accident..flung from his bike and hit the lamp post thus injuring his liver..but he survived the operation and all..he was on his way to recovery..then suddenly he was gone..just like that..a relapse maybe?only HE knows...still it left many engulfed..he was only 22..i had known him..that's hard to accept..knowing someone you know of the same age passed away at a young age was hard to accpet..very hard..
Sunday..went to his home at pasir ris,,crowded..me,my precious,ali,aquem,naz,bishri,pai and saka wriding a vespa met under our block and went there together..his body was not there yet..it arrived maybe at around 1 or something..we went up..and waited outside for around 15 mins..then we cramped our way in..waited but i couldnt catch a glimpse of the late Fahmy..tears were already dwelling..i noticed aquem's were also..then just before they covered his face then i saw it..his face..sleeping peacefully..then that was it..very fast,,but it was enough for me..yes i cried damn it..yes i did..looking up to the sky wondering why..looked down at the floor to try to visualize..but cant..HE is the one that decides everything..May peace be upon all..

Step by step Heart to heart
Left right left We all fall down
Like Toy Soldiers
Bit by bit Torn apart
We never win But the battle wages on
For Toy Soldiers...

in memory of Fahmy...

2005-02-13T13:50:00.000+08:00

One day before V.day..and my precious ain't here with me..awwww...yeah like as if we had to celebrate that thing in the first place..She went to k.l on a holiday..Coming back on the 15th which is on a Tuesday i think..Didn't even celebrate our anniversary..haha..Well there's always next time..
Went to clubS yesterday..Went to Zouk first..But was wack i guess..so we headed to Tunnel instead..Thought that place the shit..Well maybe it was to some certain groups of people..A crib for heephop huh,,Well the proclaimed heephoppers didnt even bounce to anything heephop..Most just stood there waiting for a Sean Paul or some shit,.And when it did came on,phuuu,suddenly Tunnel wasn't a place for heephoppers anymore..Fuck that shit man..Guess some people doesn't know how to be versatile in grooving their bodies when needed..Oh well,Singapore will always be a trendspot..Maybe one day then will people will study the art of howfidancereggae..Yeah long name for a dance..Well people c-walked,people b-boyin so i guess next is howfidancereggae? And suddenly clubs bearing red yellow and green flags will be build expecting people to flaunt their howfidancereggae skills..ouh then suddenly heephop sets back in and in that club people will just stand there while listening to dancehall while waiting for some Eminem or Nelly shit..Fuck it then..
Going back to camp laters..More political changes will sure happen..Well Fuck it then..Let The Games Begin!!

2005-01-25T19:52:00.000+08:00

hey ya..yeah i noe..boring layout n stuffs..but fuck it..its the thoughts and contents that people read..although a nice layout would add some plus points..hahakz..
going for attachment tommorow..5 days would be wasted over at a place not visited nor seen by me yet..including the weekend..damn..but i can claim offs..well that's a good thing..tanjong gul..some of u would go like tanjong what the fuck!!..well tanjong gul..not exactly sure of the specific location but what i'm sure is that place is somewhere near Tuas..damn..a west coast exchange for me then..just take this as an experience thinggy i guess..
glad that my precious understands..she doesnt mind that we cant meet on weekends as there are other days we can meet too..such sweetness..well to others it may be a normal thing but to some this small little stuffs do mean a lot..and sometimes..just "small simple stuffs" can make or break a relationship..so its more worthwhile to make these "small simple stuffs" count..oh well cant type that long now..want to take some rest,store some of the ambience at home in my mind so as not to miss any,watch some tv with my little one..and yah,eat my mum's cooking..until then..

2005-01-11T22:07:00.000+08:00

Broken this fragile thing now.And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces.And I've thrown my words all around.But I can't, I can't give you a reason.I feel so broken up (so broken up).And I give up (I give up)I just want to tell you so you know.Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you.You are my only oneI let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do.You are my only, my only one.Made my mistakes, let you down.And I can't, I can't hold on for too long.Ran my whole life in the ground.And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone.And something's breaking up (breaking up)I feel like giving up (like giving up) won't walk out until you know.Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you.You are my only oneI let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do.You are my only my only one.Here I go so dishonestlyLeave a note for you my only one.And I know you can see right through me.So let me go and you will find someone.Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you.You are my only oneI let go, there's just no one, no one like you.You are my only, my only one.My only one.My only one.My only one.You are my only, my only one..

nice song..maybe a song for me back then..but then again..maybe a song for me now too..She is my only one..
written an entry a while ago on new year's day..but the comp went kapoot..damn..and i was writing about tsunami and the effect it has on almost everyone..and how glad i am until now to be alive..but one cant help feel sorry and sympathize those affected by it..onlu HE knows why this disaster happened..and there's this picture on the newpaper a while ago..guess most of you might have seen it..the one where only the mosque was left standing turgid amidst all the fallen rubbles..a hinting agenda which left most of them bewildered in their own religion..
also wrote about how unprepared i was if the same thing was to hit this country..for it will do a lot more damage considering the different scale of sizes of our island and theirs..unprepared meanin..so many things i have not yet done in life..ve yet to see the eyes and smile of Raphizyq Al-Tarique..nor have i tasted the challenges of being a leader of a family..nor have i put that all magical ring on that special someone..and the one that i want to do most,go on a pilgrimage..that's when my life as a muslim is complete..for now i'm just halfway there..as the saying goes..life is halfway done when u have 5 very good friends by your side...and i'm sure i have them by my side..they know who they are..
a few more hours and i'm 22..damn..new challenges..new mental theories..and new adventure awaits..
here i come...

a nu beggining?

2004-12-17T14:44:00.000+08:00

as i step onto a new era of satisfying the nation,i found that things were not it seemed nowadays..Gone are the thoughts of slackin and having a good time at camp..now it looks like its tyme to rekindle the thoughts of bein in "n.s"..whatever that means..have to get goin,have to learn how to brace myself for the toughness that's waitin in front..both mentally and physically..thay say n.s change you..we'll see how it will change me i guess..
how tyme flies..
it has already been a month for me n my precious..for our "monthsary",i burn her 3 cds..yeah..a cheap way of giving somebody a gift u might say..but the songs in that particular cd comprise of songs which i have particularly chose for her to decipher the meanings behind all those lyrics that was sung..and i practically wrote those lyrics that i wanted her to really hear..not all of it but some extracts of the full song..easier said than done..around 17 songs in one cd..you do the math..plus its handwritten and my computer is at home and i'm stayin in..well go figure..
took her to upper seletar reservoir which i assume not that many people know of..(thanks li!!) a beautiful place..she loved it..and i loved it too..we juz sat by the reservoir and talked and talked..all the way until morning..pretty we didnt wait until sunrise..she gave me a mug..a winnie the pooh mug..with pictures of winnie and tigger on that mug..well she calls me poohbear and her favourite tigger..yeah so u get the point..and also a soft toy of tigger..quite cute..plus a handwritten note of her thoughts about me..hmmzz where have i had that before..hahakz!!
a new beggining i guess..personal and working..how will i pass this phaze is still not written on the books of fate yet..
well as always,
it can't rain aLL the time...

Another FaLL

2004-11-27T12:07:00.000+08:00

wow pretty long since this any entry was written..didn't realise the delay was obvious..hmmzz quite a number of things to write about back then..but now the brain cells inside kind of grew stale while waiting for its usage..so in other words,otak dah blank!wee..
lemme try to reminisce a little bit about the past events..ummm raya was great..why shouldn't it be right..only this time the intake of cash wasn't that up to standards..yeah yeah i know..now it's my brother's turn to make my relatives succumb to his cuteness and eventually give in..hahakz..had a super long weekend siakz..went back on wednesday,all the way until monday night..yeah2!!
now im driving a whole lot more over at selarang..it seems like a shortage of drivers of some sort..but oh well..just as long i get my mileage that would be good enough thank you..going to upgrade to Cat C very soon as i've collected more than 1000km in travelling..getting the hang of having a vehicle to drive..heehee..juz dream on Lan..
another fall??yeah just now at pasir ris..skidded of some sort..the road was spilled with oil siakz..freaking slippery..well lesson learnt..lesson?what lesson..just my luck to fall..pretty bad bruises and cuts..a portion of my gortex jacket was torn because of the fall..and that jacket was supposed to be tough..imagine what it did to my skin..ooooooo...too bad i cant stop every rider's fate from happening..mintak off arh apa lagik!!
and a piece of news..now i can sing "my boo" to a particular person without having doubts over the title..decipher that yahhh..

a rider's fate is my designated fate...

...festivitiez....

2004-11-13T21:09:00.000+08:00

hey all..this is it..esok dah raya!!!!yahooookzzz...well admist all the smiles that should appear on peoples' faces,there's certain to be frownes here and there..can't help but to think about those unfortunate ones who will go through this Raya..will their frownes eventually fade to nuture a smile once the Takbir' sounds?or will their 42 muscles still continue to display the sadness that had engulfed them?
heard this particular commercial on era fm(a malaysian radio channel)about this kid tellin why she is celebratin her Raya wit her grandparents..she said that her grandparents told her that her parents had went to see God and won't be coming back that soon..and since she is still a kid,she just anticipatees her parents return without knowin anithin..and her parents were involved in an accident..both didnt made their way pass the emergency room..damn...yes it may just be a commercial,but the thought of it was enough to make my hair stood to its end..
this year's Ramadhan was as usual was challenging to me as it was last year..last year was when i had my first fall riding a bike..and that i still have yet to pass my T.P!!hahakz..well this year it was all about money..not enough that not enough this..was really desperate at this point of time..until i remembered i had another account for future purposes or really emergency cases..and this was an emergency!!so i subtracted some amount to pay for what i had to..and phew..dah settle pon!!now i'm slowly adding back to the sum which i had subtracted on..and also some problems at home is settlin down..thank God for that..i wouldn't want the first day of Raya to be only together in the colours of the clothes that we wear,but also together in spirirts..
and to those readin sorry if boredom was encountered as u read this very line..kalau taq dah bleh letak gambar,dah bleh letak lagu..dah stengah jalan tau..sekali sangkut plaqz..eh RIZALLUDIN eh..AKA SHA-ZEE,BBOY EXTRODINAIRE OF TRANSFORMERZ,LCR...heeheee!!!amek kau!!!
to those celebrating 1 Syawal...
hatiku sayu sunyi dan sepi..mengenangkan dirimu yang jauh tidak terperi...mohon maad dariku seikhlas hati...harap dimaafi kesalahanku ini..salam aidil fitri dari hatiku yang suci ini..semoga kamu bahagia disamping insan yang amat disayangi..kehadiranmu amatku hargai,semoga persahabatan ini kekal abadi..

Ramadhan yang akan pergi tidak dijanji ketemu lagi..Syawal yang akan tiba belum tentu dapat dirasakan..namun amalan yang ikhlas pasti mendapat tempat di sisi Allah s.w.t..maaf zahir dan batin jika ada salah dan silap..dari hamba yang serba kekurangan ini...

sekian Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri...

Weekend Story

2004-11-08T21:37:00.000+08:00

At home now...came back from camp at around 6.30..nowadays its quite late thanks to the return of my staff sergeants..damn those buggers..step on jek..well they're juz doin their jobs i guess..well anyway this entry is about the weekend which i went thru..firstly on saturday when most people my age would spent their time umm "wisely",was not to be for me..instead i was preparin my stuffs for the day ahead..
Met sha-zee at hiz house to choose the spraycans available..after decidin n packin,i made my way all the way to clementi first..phraze and sha-zee were to arrive later..and as usual,if it was me goin to an alien spot for the first time all alone,high chances i would get loz in an unfamiliar hazards..and damn was i lost!heehee..aler sg kechik..finally made my way..finally saw my army compatriate waitin at the void deck..
Guess u readers were'nt filled in to as what i was gonna do at his home..well me n 2 of FR were supposed to graff his room..since i arrived first,i did the fonts..hehe and it was wack..waddya xpect..dah lama taq buat graff alone alone..yeah den phraze and sha-zee arrived..FR wasn't at its full strength..so..the piece wasn't up to normal standars..heh..xcuses Lan..in actual fact,MALAS!!..we juz do it for the sake of doin..well depends on that person also..heehee..if u all noe who the person is then maybe u'll understand..hope he's not readin dis though..heehee..well we broke fast at his home too,wit him payin for the consumption..altogether we finished at ard 10 mins before 9..after all that we sent sha-zee to TTSH to meet his parents i think..den after that me n phraze went home..reached home at around 10.20,on a saturday night!!!thought of goin out,to meet anybody ke..nanti ada orang cakap aku ROMEO pulakz kan..hahakz..so that was that..
Sunday..nuthin much happened though..my fam and i went to ikea to buy sum furnishing stuffs..bought a couple of display cabinets for my room!!cant wait for it to arrive..alas a revamp to my Ghetto..hahakz...kalau sesiapa nak tgk bilik kite sila datang kat ari raya yer..heehee..
And for those who might wanna see the graff that we did,u can log on to friendster,see my friends' list and look for the person callen "brown chocolate"..he displayed his room at his homepage..well no pics for now..and still a vary lame page..and still dunno how to add other people's blogs..aaarrrggghhhhh..k lek chill..
until then..

introbiography

2004-11-05T14:40:00.000+08:00

now this will be a first in a series of watz goin on in this confused and lost soul
that's wandering around..confused...about who am i now and what has evolved since those glory years..lost..because there's no direction that's residing inside..just a wandering feeling..explorations you might say..
well this is my first one...so minimum expectations for reading requirements..this takes time to get the hang of it..but i will progress..i hope..ahackz..until then feel free to tag...